Learn the language of travel:

bummy:

Areas with an influx of bums digging out of trashcans.

(ie Santa Monica)

Gazelle:

A ridiculously funny workout contraption. (Why are all motivational and workout gurus named Tony?)

The Scientific Travel Lab Headquarters, STLHQ:

A high-tech, mythical place where everyday items are marked up 75% in order to put the word “travel” into the title. Manufactures things out of soy, bamboo, teflon you name it they can make it smaller, faster drying, odor resistant, wrinkle resistant and usually ugly.

Cleopatra VII starts the Hanky Panky trend

You really shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet. However, I think that if Caesar had seen Cleo in a hot pair of Hanky Pankies the course of human history may have been forever changed. But again, that’s just my opinion and you now know I’m a liar.